Anti-Semitic Raid At High School, Seven Students Dead, 18 More Injured.
Tragic news this afternoon, at approximately 1:40 pm, the premises of Graham’s Southern Alamance High School, were allegedly raided by a cavalcade of terrorists calling themselves the “ Nazi-Genesis-Super-Ultra-Turbo-Mega-Hyper-Epic Squad”.
The gang consisted of the prophet of the Christian faith, Jesus H. Christ, former politician and Chancellor of Germany from 1933 to 1945 Adolf Hitler, and cartoonist Walt Disney.
According to reports, the three men were rounding up and attempting to murder “Jewish looking kids”. In total, seven kids ranging between ages fourteen and sixteen were killed, with eighteen others injured.
Police arrived on the scene, and Hitler immediately shot himself to avoid arrest. Jesus and Disney were apprehended and are currently being held in Alamance County Jail for seven counts of murder.
When asked what their motives were, Jesus stated he wanted retribution after the Jews allegedly crucified him, and Walt Disney stated he blamed the Jews for ruining the economy, for he believed they caused WWII.
Students were dismissed for the rest of the day, mourning the loss of their fellow peers.
